A Deflating Balloon
In my distress I called to the Lord, and he answered me. Psalm 120:1
Have you ever experienced the sensation of gradually deflating, like a balloon losing its air? Each day starts with an abundance of energy, but one morning you can't shake the nagging sense that something is amiss. Are you following along? Well, here is my story, a tapestry of sights, sounds, and emotions that will transport you to another realm. Friday's arrival triggered an unusual feeling in my throat, as if a persistent tickle and scratch were taking place. As I embark on my regular walk, I can feel the intensity of the morning sun and the sweltering heat, the thermometer reading 84 degrees. Despite my love for this kind of weather, my walk on this day felt unusually difficult.
To combat whatever is coming, I turn to my trusty arsenal of goodies: Emergence C, Elderberry, Vitamin C, and a squeeze of lemon. I can't afford for this to happen, I have important tasks to attend to. In one of my recent conversations with God, I expressed my gratitude for being able to participate in and experience so many incredible things, while also thanking Him for always supporting me. Ever since then, my life had been a whirlwind of constant movement and activity.
However recently, I couldn't escape the sight of people wearing masks everywhere I went, their presence a constant reminder of Covid in the air. I am hyper sensitive to stuff, and I thought to myself, I need to be wearing my mask more often too. Despite this, I carried on with my routine, but now on this Friday, I sense something approaching.
By Friday night, I had to intensify my efforts with a dose of Motrin, feeling the relief slowly seeping in. Lying in bed at 6am on Saturday, I get up and pop a Tylenol and then contemplated whether or not to go to the outdoor workout class. It's an annual tradition that I never miss and for good reason. Restless in bed, I toss and turn, contemplating a simple text message: "Sorry, I can't make it today. Feeling under the weather." I decided to consult a reliable source to figure this out, what do I do? So I googled for answers. According to my faithful friend, moderate physical activity is acceptable, but taking breaks is also advisable. I made up my mind to work out first, so I could come home and relax afterwards. I hit the shower, and step out into the blistering 90-degree heat to head to my 9am workout. Despite the amazing class, the heat and the internal struggle left me feeling defeated. I came home and crashed in the bed, the rest of the day, the body aches intensified, and then started pangs of head pain in various parts of my scalp. What is this? I trumped it up to as a bad summer cold.
By Sunday, a sense of worry started to creep in as I realized there might be more to the situation, and I knew I had to find out soon. Sensing the initial discomfort in my throat, I took precautions and started wearing a mask whenever I was near my mom, to protect her. It was crucial for me that my mom remained unaffected by whatever baggage I was carrying.
On Monday, I ordered a covid test and headed to the testing center in my room, bracing myself for the long wait. I was shocked after a few minutes, less than 5, both lines appeared at the C and T markers, which indicate positive. My husband stood on the opposite side of the room, while I sat there in disbelief, my eyes fixed as if I was looking at a positive pregnancy test. As a 55-year-old woman going through menopause, the chances of pregnancy are extremely low, unlike the universal risk of contracting Covid, which affects people of all genders and ages.
After looking at the test again, hoping for a different outcome, it felt like an eternity before the truth sank in. I said to my husband, my voice trembling, that I had tested positive for Covid. I made the announcement to my family by text, attaching a picture of the positive results for them to see.
Let's rewind for a moment to earlier that day, when I carefully secured my mask over my nose and mouth as a precaution. With a heavy heart, I enter my mother's room to assess her condition and inform her that my health has not improved. Every day, I ask a series of questions, starting with "How is your pain?" Do you need anything for pain? Are you hungry ? On this day, she reassures, "I'm fine. I've already taken a pain medication, but I could really use a cup of coffee. I'm not hungry."
After I get her coffee, I say to her, "Okay, I am going to lay down for a minute. Is there anything else you need?" She looks at me with pleading eyes and asks, "Could you assist me in finding a way to take a shower?" Her words hit me like a slap in the face. I glanced at mom, my exhaustion evident, and replied, "Mom, I simply don't have the energy to do that at the moment." I will get Nika to help, ok?
As I entered my room, a wave of defeat washed over me, knowing that I had disappointed her. Metaphorically speaking, I collided with a wall, the force of impact vibrating through my body and leaving me stunned. Since she came home in April, I had been going non-stop. I remained perfectly in rhythm, not missing a single beat. But that day, I felt completed defeated, my body said nope. I absolutely knew that it had to be more than summer cold, so lets take this test.
As I write this blog, I can hear the silence of my isolated surroundings. In the room where I am quarantined, the TV blares in the background, the computer hums softly, and my phone buzzes with notifications. As I reflect on the situation, I am convinced that God orchestrated this for my ultimate benefit. When we experience sickness, disease, or injury, our attention is often consumed by our own suffering. During these challenging times, it can be hard to see the potential positive outcomes that may arise from such trials.
Through the caregiving of my mother, He has been my constant support and strength. He supported me by encouraging self-care through engaging in outdoor activities and connections with others. However, as I reflect there are a few commitments that I have made that require stillness to complete. Having this isolation will allow me the opportunity to fully dedicate myself to those things as well as time in his word.
Ideally, I would rather not have Covid, however, thankfully this is temporary. What I've discovered is that life can be unpredictable, throwing unexpected challenges your way. Sometimes, you just have to accept these curveballs, understanding that in moments of distress, reaching out to Him brings comfort as He responds. I appreciate having faith and confidence in Him to guide me through these unexpected situations.
https://share.icloud.com/photos/001Xhe3hCRObXM2DVDnEgPNCQ
Comments
Post a Comment