Welcome to September: When Being the Strong One Gets Heavy

September’s theme for Grateful Caregiver Wellness Community is “Strength Beyond My Own.” And as I thought about what I wanted to share this month, I realized that before I could talk about strength, I needed to talk about where some of mine came from.

This is a little difficult for me to admit, even at 57 years old:

I was bullied as a child.

During my adolescent years, my self-esteem was very low. I didn’t always feel confident or secure in who I was. Words hurt, rejection hurt, and some of those experiences stayed with me much longer than I realized.

But I had my mom.

My mother was instrumental in helping me through those years. She encouraged me. She reminded me that I was special. When I struggled to see something valuable in myself, she helped me see it.

As I grew into adulthood, though, I learned how to protect myself.

I built an inner wall.

When the Wall Still Shows Up

Recently, I attended an event where I had an opportunity to share something personal. I wanted to share, but when the moment came,

I shrunk back.

Later, I thought about why.

The truth is, I respect vulnerability when I see it in other people. I admire people who can openly share their stories, struggles, and experiences. But when it comes to my own vulnerability, I sometimes struggle.

I think part of that goes back to the walls I learned to build years ago.

When you’ve experienced hurt or rejection, protecting yourself can become second nature. You learn how to be strong. You learn how to keep certain things close. You learn how to smile, keep moving, and only let people see the parts of you that feel safe to reveal.

And sometimes, even when you’re in a safe space, that old instinct still whispers, “Don’t share too much.”

That moment at the event reminded me that I am still growing.

Maybe strength isn’t always standing up and having the perfect words to say. Maybe sometimes strength is acknowledging, “I wanted to share, but I was afraid to be seen that deeply.”

And maybe the next step isn’t forcing myself to tear down every wall at once. Maybe it’s allowing God to show me, little by little, which walls no longer need to be there.

I became independent. I found things that made me feel accomplished and helped build my self-esteem. I learned how to keep going, figure things out, and handle things myself.

From the outside, that can look like strength.

But sometimes the things we develop to protect ourselves can eventually become the things that keep other people out.

Trust didn’t always come easily for me. Asking for help didn’t always come naturally. Depending on someone else could feel uncomfortable because somewhere along the way, doing things myself felt safer.

And then came caregiving.

When my mom became ill, that strong, independent part of me kicked right in.

There were appointments to manage, decisions to make, work responsibilities, family responsibilities, and the emotional reality of watching someone I loved go through a serious illness.

So I did what I knew how to do.

I kept going.

But caregiving taught me something about strength that I didn’t fully understand before:

Being strong and doing everything on your own are not the same thing.

There are moments when being “the strong one” gets heavy.

Sometimes the strongest thing you can say is:

“I need help.”

Sometimes strength is allowing yourself to cry.

Sometimes strength is resting instead of pushing through.

Sometimes strength is allowing people you trust to show up for you.

And for me, sometimes strength is simply praying:

“Lord, I don’t have enough strength for this. I need Yours.”

That’s what Strength Beyond My Own means to me.

It doesn’t mean I suddenly stop being strong or independent. It means I’m learning that I don’t have to depend solely on my own strength.

At 57, I’m still learning.

I’m learning to lower some of those walls.

I’m learning that vulnerability isn’t weakness.

I’m learning that receiving can be just as important as giving.

And I’m learning that God can use the very places where I once felt weak to teach me a different kind of strength.

So, as we begin September, I’m inviting you to ask yourself:

What have I been carrying because I believe I have to be the strong one?

Maybe this is the month to put some of it down.

Our September challenge is:

PAUSE • PRAY • RELEASE • RECEIVE

Pause before automatically taking everything on.
Pray about what you’re carrying.
Release what isn’t yours to control.
Receive the help, love, rest, and support available to you.

Because sometimes being strong isn’t about carrying more.

Sometimes strength is finally realizing you don’t have to carry it all.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” — Philippians 4:13

Welcome to September. 💜

With gratitude,
Theresa “Tee” Hedgeman
Grateful Caregiver Wellness Community
Rise • Restore • Replenish